Music Monday, an explanation: Most Mondays, I will be choosing a song and writing about it—my feelings about the song, my personal relationship with the song, if and how it relates to my writing, etc. Often this will be the first song that comes up on my music player, though I will randomize it for you—especially if I get on a single-artist kick or something. I do have favorites, though, so be warned. If I can, I will also embed the song somehow, so you can hear it.

“Amazing” by Blue October

Background: For my first Music Monday, I’ve picked “Amazing” by Blue October. This is a haunting song about someone with an aching to feel that they are the thing that they want to be—in a word, amazing. While the narrative in the song is about being with someone, it’s one of the loneliest songs I’ve ever heard, and illustrates how people can sometimes use their relationships to gauge their self-worth—but it’s also not really making that seem like a fake kind of love. It talks about how we idealize those we love: “You see, I’ve made you into something more delicious/my sweet ghost,” but that sometimes it wears through, anyhow.

Favorite line: “And now our history is for sale/and for that I apologize.” The title of the album is History for Sale, and I’ve always been fascinated by artists who acknowledge that their song is really a private, personal thing that they’ve now made public in the hope of being heard—Anna Nalick has a similar line in her song “2 AM,” and that’s one of my favorites, too.

My song history: I discovered this song when I was in college, when I was going through a kind of dark period myself… I didn’t think I was amazing. I wanted somebody to prove to me that I was. (Of course, that’s always something you have to decide and learn for yourself, which thankfully I did, but that’s a different story). To be honest, this song originally made me a little uncomfortable, because it spoke so clearly to what I was, unfortunately, feeling at the time. It admitted things that I couldn’t—that I didn’t really feel like the person I was trying to display all the time, someone who had it all together and didn’t need other people. (Who really thinks not needing other people makes you strong? I was a foolish kid). I don’t think you have to be in quite such a dark place to enjoy the song, though… we all have feelings of inadequacy here and there…

What drew me in: Honestly? Justin Furstenfeld’s voice. There’s a quality to Furstenfeld’s voice that makes it feel like an old ache in your heart, and for someone who uses music as a kind of catharsis, something that brings that up in me is something I really value. The pretty accompaniment doesn’t hurt, either.

For my writing: I haven’t really used this for my writing yet, though I have been editing to it a bit lately. Well, the whole